Its not Blue…
When the great word being spoken by those tender lips
Well they come in one purpose..
To hand and to hold
Then why the sky is not blue no more
When the declaration struck the joy of happiness
To slain loneliness. define emptiness
But one sun and moon
All can be seen through
That darkness it no longer exist
Nor pain
Nor hunger
Nor warm
Nor compassion
Not even love…it has been inflamed
With hatred
My heroines…pitfalls…death
All these years of happiness..
Three full moons departed loudly within the poor soul
Those kisses should be mine
Those hugs should be mine
Those smile..
Those hands..
Those missing hearts….
Those joyful moments….
Ooh Lord takes it away spoken out loud in fierce cry
LORD allow your firm hands to touch and smash it!!
I give thee all I can imagine
All thoughts in deepest dream and perfection in words
Delivering the best items exist
Touching with every blast of spoon
Dancing with every sorrow and pain
NOW..this very moment when the truth uncover its seal..
NOW I am standing here facing each wind that blows out
Alone…
With all great nightmares
Hunting down this soul with abandonment
Seeking truth, that buried down. Shattered in pieces like sand
Its not blue anymore
I feel the blue
Inside this deep sorrow
Unforgettable lies
Break the silence of dream
Its not blue…only a heart without a clue
That nightmare could be defined in such way
Its not blue anymore when those doors are meant to be fooled
Seeking justification of this reality of dream…
Standing…cryin…
Till the sun drop dead with pity.
Its just not blue anymore….
I was broken twice............................................
by Anddy Steven
in Memoriam of 2 - 8 January 2010
1/17/10
PROJECT YANI 02: A Boy and I
"What does it mean to hope?"
The world shall end in fire;
The sky shall crumble down.
"What does it mean to hope?"
We shall be forsaken, forgotten;
Blood, tears, heartaches shall await.
"But, what does it mean to hope?"
A tree shall survive the fire;
A new sky shall form back.
All ordeals shall pass
And life shall live on.
"So, what does it mean to hope?"
Growing yourself into a man,
Yet keeping your heart a boy.
The world shall end in fire;
The sky shall crumble down.
"What does it mean to hope?"
We shall be forsaken, forgotten;
Blood, tears, heartaches shall await.
"But, what does it mean to hope?"
A tree shall survive the fire;
A new sky shall form back.
All ordeals shall pass
And life shall live on.
"So, what does it mean to hope?"
Growing yourself into a man,
Yet keeping your heart a boy.
1/16/10
PROJECT YANI 02: My Perished Soul
Darkness..consuming my soul..
In the hollowness of the heart, emptiness of the melody..
Helpless..fail to reveal the truth..
In the broken memoirs of the later and the missing past..
Here I am,
Struggling and fighting,
Kicking and scratching,
But you’ll never know..
No more rhythm..
No more beats..
Nor the laughter of joy..
Or a string of solitude..
Dear destiny,
Take my fading soul..
If I should break these tombs..
Of never ending sorrow..
Darkness once again slowly consuming..
Until there’s nothing left in it,
My soul or what the left of it,
Slowly diminishing..
Vanished into thin air..
I can’t breathe anymore..
I’m perished!
Novenia – 16.01.2010 – 21.10
In the hollowness of the heart, emptiness of the melody..
Helpless..fail to reveal the truth..
In the broken memoirs of the later and the missing past..
Here I am,
Struggling and fighting,
Kicking and scratching,
But you’ll never know..
No more rhythm..
No more beats..
Nor the laughter of joy..
Or a string of solitude..
Dear destiny,
Take my fading soul..
If I should break these tombs..
Of never ending sorrow..
Darkness once again slowly consuming..
Until there’s nothing left in it,
My soul or what the left of it,
Slowly diminishing..
Vanished into thin air..
I can’t breathe anymore..
I’m perished!
Novenia – 16.01.2010 – 21.10
1/9/10
PROJECT ALEX 01: Damned Sisters
Dear Sisters, let's feast!
'Till the dawn breaks,
'Till we have to hide
Beneath this fake flesh
And pretend to the world
That our hearts do beat
And we too can bleed.
Once more, the night is ours.
Let's dance the stars away!
And perhaps we'll consume the moon?
To confuse the sun of course!
So tonight shall never end.
We're simply feral vultures,
Trying to be demure doves.
For what? Love?
Ha! It belongs not to us!
Only to mankind, Dear Sisters.
We nocturnes have naught but
This damned pit of sorrows.
Never can we walk in the light
As skeletons that we are.
Daytimes are never ours...
Come, Sisters!
Drink from my tears
And let's own the night!
'Till the dawn breaks,
'Till we have to hide
Beneath this fake flesh
And pretend to the world
That our hearts do beat
And we too can bleed.
Once more, the night is ours.
Let's dance the stars away!
And perhaps we'll consume the moon?
To confuse the sun of course!
So tonight shall never end.
We're simply feral vultures,
Trying to be demure doves.
For what? Love?
Ha! It belongs not to us!
Only to mankind, Dear Sisters.
We nocturnes have naught but
This damned pit of sorrows.
Never can we walk in the light
As skeletons that we are.
Daytimes are never ours...
Come, Sisters!
Drink from my tears
And let's own the night!
PROJECT ALEX 01: Monolog Bebbali
BEBBALI: Minggir! Memangnya kamu pantas jadi petani? Memangnya kamu pantas? Memangnya kamu apa? Apa kamu punya benih? Apakah engkau bisa menyembelih? Apakah engkau tahu bedanya benih dan kurban sembelih? Aku bukan sapi! Aku bukan kambing! Aku bukan babi! Aku orang, dasar anjing! Mengerti tidak, sih? Dasar petani tidak becus! Sampah, bebal, sumpah serapah, bla bla bla, mampuslah sana membusuk di dataran pesona azimat lumpur dan pupuk gembur!
Eh, Petani Miskin, mau masuk surga? Tidak bisa. Tidak bisa! Aku yang lebih pantas. Aku! Lihatlah, lihat! Aku lebih apapun daripadamu; permata lazuali dan keping emas, darah biru dan kulit beludru, berkat ilmu dan berkat raja ratu istana empat kali empat meter persegi. Tanah sepetak tempat aku belajar menjadi "Yang Disempurnakan"; Tempat aku bernafas udara intelektualitas dan belajar menjadi sok dewasa. Tidak ada hama kecil peyot kering kerontang yang bisa membuatku jatuh! Aku akan mendapatkan apapun! Karena aku adalah yang lebih petani darimu dan orang-orang lain. Aku ini gugali dan sengat lebah!
Eh, Petani Tolol, pantas masuk neraka? Engkau itu... tidak sempurna, engkau bukan aku, engkau bukan malaikat! Dan... jika engkau malaikatpun, tidaklah cukup dirimu itu malaikat sempurna. Memangnya... Engkau tahu, hah? Tahu sayap itu apa? Apa? Apa? Jawab! "Sayap adalah sebuah jaringan tisu berbulu?" katamu? Berbulu pantat borokmu! Dasar goblok! Dasar tidak pantas jadi petani! Dasar tidak pantas menuai benih! Dasar tidak pantas jadi malaikat! Dasar! Dasar! Dasar!
Eh, Petani Lemah, selamanya... Aku akan jadi petani yang lebih baik daripadamu! Aku lebih paham benih yang tepat pada musim yang tepat. Aku tahu warna pelangi dan juga bau panen pasti. Jadi kalau belum sadar juga, lebih baik engkau serahkan lahanmu ini. Serahkanlah ayo, serahkan dan istirahat sana!!!--di pojokan para petani yang tidak berguna. Biar aku gemburkan lahan ini dengan caraku sendiri, dan lihatlah aku menari-nari di kuburan impianmu. (Alex Jhon, January 10, 2010)
Eh, Petani Miskin, mau masuk surga? Tidak bisa. Tidak bisa! Aku yang lebih pantas. Aku! Lihatlah, lihat! Aku lebih apapun daripadamu; permata lazuali dan keping emas, darah biru dan kulit beludru, berkat ilmu dan berkat raja ratu istana empat kali empat meter persegi. Tanah sepetak tempat aku belajar menjadi "Yang Disempurnakan"; Tempat aku bernafas udara intelektualitas dan belajar menjadi sok dewasa. Tidak ada hama kecil peyot kering kerontang yang bisa membuatku jatuh! Aku akan mendapatkan apapun! Karena aku adalah yang lebih petani darimu dan orang-orang lain. Aku ini gugali dan sengat lebah!
Eh, Petani Tolol, pantas masuk neraka? Engkau itu... tidak sempurna, engkau bukan aku, engkau bukan malaikat! Dan... jika engkau malaikatpun, tidaklah cukup dirimu itu malaikat sempurna. Memangnya... Engkau tahu, hah? Tahu sayap itu apa? Apa? Apa? Jawab! "Sayap adalah sebuah jaringan tisu berbulu?" katamu? Berbulu pantat borokmu! Dasar goblok! Dasar tidak pantas jadi petani! Dasar tidak pantas menuai benih! Dasar tidak pantas jadi malaikat! Dasar! Dasar! Dasar!
Eh, Petani Lemah, selamanya... Aku akan jadi petani yang lebih baik daripadamu! Aku lebih paham benih yang tepat pada musim yang tepat. Aku tahu warna pelangi dan juga bau panen pasti. Jadi kalau belum sadar juga, lebih baik engkau serahkan lahanmu ini. Serahkanlah ayo, serahkan dan istirahat sana!!!--di pojokan para petani yang tidak berguna. Biar aku gemburkan lahan ini dengan caraku sendiri, dan lihatlah aku menari-nari di kuburan impianmu. (Alex Jhon, January 10, 2010)
PROJECT ALEX 01: The Forgotten
I’m cursing you!
Foul creatures beyond the grave!
For you can’t see the truth..
You’ve been blinded by greed and thirst of blood...
You’re the cursed bloody creatures of the undead…
May your souls detained by the stained clothes of your burials!
Those unwashed stain that has been cursed by Satan himself!
Damned be your spirits and not a reverse can be done for the state…
You will all forever be condemned in the cold, quite dark corners of the tomb…
For you may only spend a day in eternity, just a day!
To let your souls glitch, to taste the faint glimpse of the bright light..
Where you should have been! Where you should have deserved!
But you won’t have it!
You’re the damned!
You’re the cursed!
You’re a waste!
You’re nothing!
You have only a day in eternity, to dance!
Dance inside the cursed grave of your damned souls…
Dance like you never dance before…
For, Alas!
It will only last a while…
You’re the cursed!
You’re the damned!
You’re the wretch!
Dance away, and be the forgotten souls forever…
Novenia – 09.01.2010 – 21.15
Foul creatures beyond the grave!
For you can’t see the truth..
You’ve been blinded by greed and thirst of blood...
You’re the cursed bloody creatures of the undead…
May your souls detained by the stained clothes of your burials!
Those unwashed stain that has been cursed by Satan himself!
Damned be your spirits and not a reverse can be done for the state…
You will all forever be condemned in the cold, quite dark corners of the tomb…
For you may only spend a day in eternity, just a day!
To let your souls glitch, to taste the faint glimpse of the bright light..
Where you should have been! Where you should have deserved!
But you won’t have it!
You’re the damned!
You’re the cursed!
You’re a waste!
You’re nothing!
You have only a day in eternity, to dance!
Dance inside the cursed grave of your damned souls…
Dance like you never dance before…
For, Alas!
It will only last a while…
You’re the cursed!
You’re the damned!
You’re the wretch!
Dance away, and be the forgotten souls forever…
Novenia – 09.01.2010 – 21.15
1/4/10
PROJECT ALEX 01: DARK
When will you come upon this face you bitter dark
flowing through the silent heart
eat me through with your tender desire
cut my heartbeat in existence, swallow every part of hope
no matter hard I try, your hard face touch my penniless sense
I try and I try...even when i have to loose all breath and blood
You evil destiny..why man always blame on thee
I took your every hand..but I keep falling apart like angels without wings
no perfection is needed.
I want to embrace you sweet sun...
my sweet rose of bright star..
but you slipped your hand through my hope
You broke it apart like demons broke the heaven
You took my breath away
Please be here in every moments of my dream
please don't take it away
Please point your fingers on me...with pride swallowed.
please don't destroy the perfectness of joy....
Please..I will never walk again
the death of my half soul
Fly in the mist of sorrow
where i can't reach..
its too deep to swim in
i fall in the darkness
cornered...dragged...
no way to survive
I..Me...my lone soul
crying in depth
crying in dry land
crying in early summer
crying without water
I was born to telling you the true Magic Word of LOVE
but i was down on my knee..begging every breath you take
Reaching with empty Jar of hope
Dear sweet Olive...
In the death of my sorrow soul
I will diggin
I will climbin
I will reachin
see through every hope and light
go down to every bit of pieces.....
lookin for your existence to fill this empty bottle of mine
I love you with no question!
but Now the words will vanished with the dance of death...
with the perish dreams...
and lost hope,,
lost memory,,
taken,,
lone,,
bit,,
one,,
l,,
Loneliness,,Deepest DARK...
when thou bring JOY!
I cry in the corner!!!
PS:Dedicated in Memorial of 31st January 2008 at the peak of BNI 46 Cilantro 3 - 7 PM
May my dream last....in the sweet can of my heart!
flowing through the silent heart
eat me through with your tender desire
cut my heartbeat in existence, swallow every part of hope
no matter hard I try, your hard face touch my penniless sense
I try and I try...even when i have to loose all breath and blood
You evil destiny..why man always blame on thee
I took your every hand..but I keep falling apart like angels without wings
no perfection is needed.
I want to embrace you sweet sun...
my sweet rose of bright star..
but you slipped your hand through my hope
You broke it apart like demons broke the heaven
You took my breath away
Please be here in every moments of my dream
please don't take it away
Please point your fingers on me...with pride swallowed.
please don't destroy the perfectness of joy....
Please..I will never walk again
the death of my half soul
Fly in the mist of sorrow
where i can't reach..
its too deep to swim in
i fall in the darkness
cornered...dragged...
no way to survive
I..Me...my lone soul
crying in depth
crying in dry land
crying in early summer
crying without water
I was born to telling you the true Magic Word of LOVE
but i was down on my knee..begging every breath you take
Reaching with empty Jar of hope
Dear sweet Olive...
In the death of my sorrow soul
I will diggin
I will climbin
I will reachin
see through every hope and light
go down to every bit of pieces.....
lookin for your existence to fill this empty bottle of mine
I love you with no question!
but Now the words will vanished with the dance of death...
with the perish dreams...
and lost hope,,
lost memory,,
taken,,
lone,,
bit,,
one,,
l,,
Loneliness,,Deepest DARK...
when thou bring JOY!
I cry in the corner!!!
PS:Dedicated in Memorial of 31st January 2008 at the peak of BNI 46 Cilantro 3 - 7 PM
May my dream last....in the sweet can of my heart!
1/2/10
PROJECT ANDDY 01: Emptyness
I want to run this tears like the clouds
vanished through the coldest win
when the sky and air won't be together
Screaming the unspoken words
Is it me who is dreaming?
Or just the sky is too high to be reach?
You and your purest soul will be thrown away with despair
falling down like snow and cracking inside soul
The EMPTY NESS rest in my soul
without cover
without heart
without care
that drag me into death
vanished through the coldest win
when the sky and air won't be together
Screaming the unspoken words
Is it me who is dreaming?
Or just the sky is too high to be reach?
You and your purest soul will be thrown away with despair
falling down like snow and cracking inside soul
The EMPTY NESS rest in my soul
without cover
without heart
without care
that drag me into death
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